Dream On

I tend not to be able to remember my dreams, however I also tend to be quite the "dozer" in the morning (see Cara's blog here and here), so there are times I wake up after dozing with a recollection of my recent "dozing" dreams. A recurring theme I've had involves running, typically running from something or someone. Not necessarily a bad -thing or -one, but still running. Running away.

The setting differs drastically each time, but the theme/mood is the same. I cannot make my legs move fast enough. No matter how much I look down at my legs and think "MOVE," I get no response. No burst. No speed. I cannot help but to plod through my dreams while my "chaser" slowly gains ground.

So I "Googled" dream analysis and clicked through to the following site: (http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/r3.htm) to see what it had to say about my dreams. Here are the pertinent excerpts:

"To dream that you are running away from someone, indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In particular, if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing or confronting your fears."

"To dream that you are trying to run but cannot make your feet move as fast as you want them to, signifies lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. It may also reflect your actual state of REM paralysis while in the dream state."

Interesting stuff. I know I do not ooze self-confidence, but I wouldn't say that I lack it either. Could I use more self-confidence at times? Sure. I'd love to be more confident overall. I think it's a positive trait as long as it doesn't become over-confidence or cockiness (which I find totally unappealing). The self-esteem thing may be on point though. Cara has pointed out to me that I can tend to beat up on myself sometimes. And it's true. I am REALLY hard on myself. I tend to let life's minor stresses and anxieties build up until I can't any longer and then I blame myself for not being organized/productive/smart/athletic/funny/happy enough to have dealt with whatever stressors finally got to me. And unfortunately for me (and Cara), the Ph.D. program is flush with stressful moments and anxiety-inducing events.

The first part (me running from someone or something) suggests there may be an issue I am trying to avoid. I openly admit that there are numerous "issues" I am trying to avoid. Taxes, for instance. I do not want to do my taxes. Does that make me any different than 99.9% of the rest of the population? The key issue is that I have NOT done my taxes yet and it is stressing me out. So, I need to "take the bull by the horns" and do my taxes (and any other similar undesirable tasks that I've got on my "to do" list).

I want to point out that in my dream this morning, I was the chaser. It was similar in that I was chasing and running with legs of molasses. But, I was the chaser. Maybe it's a sign that I'm gonna do my taxes today. Maybe it's bigger than that. Perhaps, my mindset is starting to change? Maybe it won't be long before I'm running at full speed in my dreams!