Now that my dad is showing me up in the blogging department, I figured it was about time for me to hop to it and post a blog.
My semester of teaching has really been an awesome experience -- but, it has certainly been busy too! My Accounting 200 students had an exam last night and of course the week or so leading up to the exam was filled up with tutoring, getting make-up exams sorted out, and all sorts fun administrative mumbo jumbo. On top of that, my BA353 section (where I'm a "business coach") had their Business Plan presentations last Friday (10/24). These count for 25% of their grade in the course so I also had my hands full in the week leading up to the big day to say the least. All in all, I had an extremely busy week and a half to two weeks that is just now starting to simmer down to a low boil...just in time for me to prepare for my 1st early-stage dissertation presentation next Friday.
I'm still struggling in some ways to find my niche in the classroom. I absolutely love teaching, but I still feel like I don't have an identity. I imagine that will develop over time. I get a rush of adrenaline from standing in front of the classroom and I especially enjoy working through problems with students one-on-one or in small group settings in my office. But at the same time, I feel majorly bummed when my students struggle and I take poor exam scores way too personally - it's hard not to have a vested interest in how my students perform. After the first exam, I spent hours examining and analyzing the test scores. I compared my students scores to the scores of students in other sections. I talked to classmates, professors, and even my parents about the emotions that flared up in response to having my students struggle with the material. And at the end of the day, I beat myself up quite a bit over things I could have done to better prepare my students for the exam. With the exam results from the second exam looming, I fear I may be headed down a similar path if my students do not perform up to their expectations.
The ups and downs of the semester have me feeling like I'm on a roller coaster at times. To compensate for the bummed out times, I pour a lot of time into teaching - a whole lot more than my allotted 10 hours a week for Accounting 200. This leaves me shortended on research and feeling a little bit anxious and uneasy about the prospect of trying to juggle all of the academic expectations in the future. I suppose that is part of the learning curve that I must follow - I certainly am learning a lot about myself and the nuances of teaching this semester. And I certainly do not ever plan to stop trying to learn, grow, and develop myself -- it is why I find the academic lifestyle so appealing in the first place.
At the end of the day - this has been one of the more challenging semesters I've faced in the Ph.D. program. I must say I'm more than little bit surprised about that -- I thought my Fall 2007 semester with Economics, Math Economics, and Multivariate Statistics would continue to reign supreme atop my heap of most challenging academic semesters. But, this semester has been surprising -- emotional, energizing, stressful, and all-in-all pretty amazing compressed into a few short months. I love the journey that I am on and most importantly, I have wonderful family and friends who love and support me every step of the way. I would be remiss if I didn't give Cara a big "shout-out" too...she has been such a wonderful strength and support for me in these emotional months. Thanks sweetheart -- I love you more than words.
My semester of teaching has really been an awesome experience -- but, it has certainly been busy too! My Accounting 200 students had an exam last night and of course the week or so leading up to the exam was filled up with tutoring, getting make-up exams sorted out, and all sorts fun administrative mumbo jumbo. On top of that, my BA353 section (where I'm a "business coach") had their Business Plan presentations last Friday (10/24). These count for 25% of their grade in the course so I also had my hands full in the week leading up to the big day to say the least. All in all, I had an extremely busy week and a half to two weeks that is just now starting to simmer down to a low boil...just in time for me to prepare for my 1st early-stage dissertation presentation next Friday.
I'm still struggling in some ways to find my niche in the classroom. I absolutely love teaching, but I still feel like I don't have an identity. I imagine that will develop over time. I get a rush of adrenaline from standing in front of the classroom and I especially enjoy working through problems with students one-on-one or in small group settings in my office. But at the same time, I feel majorly bummed when my students struggle and I take poor exam scores way too personally - it's hard not to have a vested interest in how my students perform. After the first exam, I spent hours examining and analyzing the test scores. I compared my students scores to the scores of students in other sections. I talked to classmates, professors, and even my parents about the emotions that flared up in response to having my students struggle with the material. And at the end of the day, I beat myself up quite a bit over things I could have done to better prepare my students for the exam. With the exam results from the second exam looming, I fear I may be headed down a similar path if my students do not perform up to their expectations.
The ups and downs of the semester have me feeling like I'm on a roller coaster at times. To compensate for the bummed out times, I pour a lot of time into teaching - a whole lot more than my allotted 10 hours a week for Accounting 200. This leaves me shortended on research and feeling a little bit anxious and uneasy about the prospect of trying to juggle all of the academic expectations in the future. I suppose that is part of the learning curve that I must follow - I certainly am learning a lot about myself and the nuances of teaching this semester. And I certainly do not ever plan to stop trying to learn, grow, and develop myself -- it is why I find the academic lifestyle so appealing in the first place.
At the end of the day - this has been one of the more challenging semesters I've faced in the Ph.D. program. I must say I'm more than little bit surprised about that -- I thought my Fall 2007 semester with Economics, Math Economics, and Multivariate Statistics would continue to reign supreme atop my heap of most challenging academic semesters. But, this semester has been surprising -- emotional, energizing, stressful, and all-in-all pretty amazing compressed into a few short months. I love the journey that I am on and most importantly, I have wonderful family and friends who love and support me every step of the way. I would be remiss if I didn't give Cara a big "shout-out" too...she has been such a wonderful strength and support for me in these emotional months. Thanks sweetheart -- I love you more than words.
This post is exactly why you'll be a fantastic teacher. You care. And you want to do your best so your students can do their best. Just a learning curve right now!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
I want to second what Cara said. You are truly a compassionate person that strives not only for the best for yourself but additionally for those around you. Those students are lucky to have someone in there lives that ascribes to those principles. Keep your head up and continue to be the best Matt that you can be and remember that all of your friends will be there if needed.
ReplyDeleteAnd the dad agrees with Cara and Scott and btw, I am not showing you up in the blogging department, but happy that you got me started. Have a great week and to any and all reading this comment, don't forget to vote November 4th.
ReplyDeleteI meant to comment early but forgot- what occured to me when reading this is to remind you of all the other college influences that effect test scores- like a late night parting, boy/girlfriend problems, other classes, a weekend off campus, sporting events, visitors, etc. So try not to take it too personal. It may be their own demise, not a reflection of your teaching ability.
ReplyDelete